We are on a quest for psycho-spiritual understanding. The realm of Soul is the New World. We are explorers on the vast Ocean in our tiny ships, landing on a new shore here and there. None of us knows that much. This blog is my rough map of the terrain. Many have gone before me and millions will follow. Each gains from the steps, or missteps, of prior adventurers. Open your imagination, for Imagination provides both the ship and the territory to be explored. https://www.michaelbogar.com/
“Possession by an archetype turns a man into a flat collective figure, a mask behind which he can no longer develop as a human being, but becomes increasingly stunted. One must therefore beware of the danger of falling victim to the dominant of the mana-personality (powerful completed all wise being).” Jung CW &, pars. 387-90
I'd like to briefly examine this comment from Carl Jung and share my reflections.
This statement reminds me of myself when frozen in an idea or point of view. The Wizard of OZ behind his screen comes to mind--a man who has forgotten his dynamic nature, a man who has 'unbecome' an evolving human, a person who has frozen into a single ideological image. I believe this phenomenon was called "demon possession" or "spirit possession" in the ancient world. It begins with a single issue or idea which becomes the central issue. Obsession on the idea or issue leads to possession, and such possession always leads to higher and higher emotional actions and reactions.
Rightly or wrongly, I think of people like Sean Hannity, John Stewart, Glen Beck, Keith Olberman, Al Sharpton, Rush Limbaugh, Rosie O'Donnell and Ann Coulter. From this list you can see it is neither a Conservative nor Progressive issue, but an ideological issue, a frozen archetype implanted in a human psyche. This seems to be the case with most long term politicians, social activists and religious leaders. This is especially true when their public identity and financial security become dependent on their frozen ideologies. Rare exceptions have been people like Saul of Tarsus who became Paul the Apostle, CS Lewis and Anthony Flew who moved from atheism to theistic perspectives, Ronald Reagan who shifted from the democratic party to the republican point of view, or Malcolm X who converted from militant politics to a position of love and tolerance.
When we are not aware that our various ego-selves throughout life are meant to be transitory and provisional, human existence becomes flat, painful and all consuming. This happens especially to people after they turn fifty, but can be easily found in younger people too. This occurs when we are not aware that there are many eternal archetypal patterns with many ideas and points of view that seek to merge with our growing personality. There is nothing odd or wrong with becoming fixed or frozen for a time, but dynamic life always nudges us beyond every ego mask we create and wear.
Those who become solidified in a "permanent personality" are often at the forefront of violent or aggressive movements that gain momentum from a build-up of myopic archetypal energy. They are like raging waters gathering behind a wall that finally bursts forth. A psyche that has both eyes glued to the binoculars of a single powerful archetypal image is an explosion waiting to happen. One thinks of the Republican or Democrat who spends his/her life "gathering evidence" to prove that the opponents are wrong. One thinks of the theist or atheist who obsesses about the enemy, examining all of life, from news headlines to daily experiences in order to confirm their "theory of reality." They are blindly led everywhere with their pet archetypal seeing eye dog on a psychic leash. They are no longer conscious of being a "human becoming," but are a "human has become." Wars, minor or major, are always caused by such people. Without self reflection and integration of "the other," there is always aggression. The aggression typically leads to some form of empathic integration, eventually, if total annihilation is not the result.
How would a person know if s/he were such a person? Here is a quiz:
1. Can you think of a religious point of view you really hate? Be careful to guard against self deception on this question. Most of us do not want to think we are such people. Be honest. Is there a religious point of view you really hate?
2. Is there a political point of view you really hate? Is there a politician that causes a visceral reaction in you when you hear their name or see their face?
3. Do you keep attracting the same kind of friends, lovers or people into your life? Do these relationships keep ending in a similar, unsatisfying way?
Intense emotional resistance is the best indicator. To see this requires an act of honest, self reflective, usually painful awareness. Our resentments are sure signs of this painful archetypal myopia. "Resent" means to re-feel, and carries the idea that it is literally re-sent (sent back again and again) because it contains the nucleus of your soul's next evolutionary stage. Resentments are spot lights shining down into the dark cavern of your unconsciousness which holds the next phase in your growth as a human being. The pain and discomfort of resentments always carry the seeds of your flourishing soul. If you want to make life interesting again, and experience freedom, joy and peace, identify the people, ideas or situations you hate and find them in yourself. It takes a rare person to do this. Most are too lazy or too frozen in what Jung called "their dominant mana-personality." But if we do not follow the spot light into the cavern, we will grow more and more bitter, flat and bored. The end is always some sort of addiction, insanity or a life of lonely self righteousness.
This pathology of frozen consciousness or static identity became more widespread with the invention of writing. Prior to that, stories were dynamic, fluid and evolving with the oral story teller's words and the listeners mind. There was no opportunity to look back over the text, examine the details, comb through the syntax, examine each word and idea in order to form a more or less fixed image of what was meant. There could have been no "world religion" until writing was invented.
Perhaps the internet will thaw this tendency. Of course for those really stuck in the ideological concrete, the internet will allow them wide access to confirm their singular point of view.
When Jesus told his followers to "love their enemies," he was reminding them that our psychological hatred of someone or something holds the key to entering into God's next phase for the making of our infinite souls.
Someone recently asked me if I believed we had 'free will' or free choice. Here is my provisional response.
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I don't think we have as much free will as we usually think we do. An embryo developing in the womb has no free will. The new born for the first year or so has very little if any free will. I know some in the New Age movement say we choose to come to this earth. That may be, but I and many other people see no solid evidence for that assumption.
With time the growing infant seems to have the ability to make some minor choices, and good parents allow them these choices in order to launch them into the soul-making endeavor. As our individual soul wakes up and grows, we gradually get more choices.
But studies and research demonstrate that most of our responses during the day are reactions rather than choices (see Malcolm Gladwell’s, BLINK). We say the same words and phrases, have the same beliefs, choose the same relationships, eat the same food, watch the same TV shows, read the same kinds of books, like the same politicians, seek out the same friends, wear the same clothes, make love or war the same ways, go to the same church, don’t go to church at all, have the same morning and evening rituals, etc., etc. Over time, usually due to some stressful or painful event, some of these things change. But very, very few people actually ‘choose’ do something out of the ordinary.
True free will is doing things that you do not naturally 'want' to do or normally desire to do. This is what the European mystic Gurdjieff called 'voluntary suffering.' One uses his/her will to voluntarily become uncomfortable. He realized that the soul only stretches when it breaks out of the rut. Doing and thinking the same things everyday is not free will. VERY few of us actually choose – we react. ‘Re-act’ literally means ‘to act again.’ Repeat after me, “I am not a robot. I am not a robot. I am not a robot.” Now try saying the opposite, “I am a robot.” Find ten ways your life is robotic. Ironically, if you do this, you may have just stopped being a robot for a few moments!
That is why I like to pick a book from another point of view and read it. I just read Rules for Radicals by Saul Alinsky, the socialist Community Organizer who has so influenced Obama. I am reading Glenn Beck's book, Common Sense. I read books on pro-gay marriage and anti-gay marriage. Recently I have begun going to plays, shows or concerts that I think I would hate, though I must say, ‘chick flicks’ are still very painful.
Try eating a meal today consisting of food you have never eaten before. If you are a Democrat, watch Bill O'Reilly for the whole hour, or listen to Rush Limbaugh on the radio without judgment. Read one of Ann Coulter’s books. In fact, ‘choose’ to find ten points where you agree with them. THAT is free will and that is what makes soul. If you are a Republican, listen to Chris Matthews, Rachel Maddow or Stephen Colbert. Find ten points of agreement. Read one of Obama’s books – Audacity of Hope or Dreams from My Father. If you are a theist, read a book by an avowed atheist like Richard Dawkins’ The God Delusion. If you are an atheist, read C.S. Lewis’s Mere Christianity or The Problem of Pain.
Then try the opposite. If you are a Democrat, find five areas where you disagree with your party. If you are a Republican, find five areas of divergence from your party. If you are an atheist, critique atheism. If you are a theist, critique theism. If you are a New Ager, find five valuable insights from the Christian tradition. If you are a Christian, find five valuable insights from the New Age religion.
Most people will find these tasks virtually impossible to initiate, much less complete, proving that free will is largely non-existent. Some may try one of these exercises, but will grouse, groan, moan and cringe their way through it, usually ceasing before the full hour is up or book read. Or they may watch or read, but will not be capable of choosing to find areas of agreement. Our will is most often frozen in a particular ideological mode and can find only what supports our current prison of supposed ‘free choices’. Will is not free unless it chooses beyond our current areas of security and certainty.
Give it a try, then post a response on this blog about your experience.
"God comes into our lives when we do things that make us truly human. When we help the poor, when we speak out for justice, when we get over our exaggerated sense of our own importance..."
~ Rabbi Harold Kushner
IN THE BEGINNING, DARKNESS
We use many terms without much examination. The term 'enlightenment' is one such word. It is assumed we know what it means: to have the 'light' come 'in', hence, en-lightenment. The implication is that we are in the dark of useless ignorance and need to have the light of awareness. That sounds plausible, and is clearly true, at certain times. However, I maintain that we also need 'endarkenment' to become aware. Why? Because so much of it exists. On the physical level, it has been estimated that over 90% of the Universe is dark, and most matter 'out there' is dark matter. On the psycho-spiritual level, every mythology begins with darkness:
Genesis – The earth was without form, and it was void of light. Eventually, God's Spirit hovered over the roiling dark chaos and out came light.
Taoism – The Tao Te Ching, Chapter 1 says all that is came from darkness, using the image of the dark womb.
Greeks – 1 Erebos, or darkness, was the child of Chaos, and from them came light and form. In some myths, Erebos marries Nyx (Night) and they populate the world, in other myths, Erebos is a part of Hades, the Underworld where the dead reside.
Based on the raw data of our day to day existence, darkness is as necessary and normal to the Universe as is light. If the Cosmos comes with so much darkness, and all mythologies make darkness the foundation of light and life, then we need to rethink our use of the word, enlightenment. For my approach is 'phenomenological' – that is, we must begin our examination of reality with the basic phenomena (events, experiences, observable incidents) that exist rather than begin with our ideas or theories about how it ought to be. Of course it is good to imagine how our human world could be someday, and the need to work for change. However, we must begin with 'what is'. This approach is especially important if we do not believe in Original Sin, that is, if we see the Nature as being perfect as it stands, not having been modified or ruined by a a human, alien or evil spirit.
Many humans prefer to develop theories of life based on personal experiences rather than the existence of ALL of the raw phenomena of daily life. Hence, a man's terrifying experiences of night, chaos, darkness and all that goes with these phenomena cause him to assume these aspects of existence to be bad. Based on that assumption, he develops a metaphysics or religion of light and order. On one level it makes total sense. Humans want stability, pleasure and happiness, so feeling secure and content are the beginning points and aim of existence. But do those elements alone make a beneficial spiritual system?
Try to imagine a child developing a philosophy of life based on what giveS him pleasure in school. Depending on the student, the enjoyable experiences would form the basis, structure and goal of his metaphysical or philosophical system. He would call algebra and grammar evil, while physical education and recess might be called the good. Most of us recognize that such an approach to a life would be utterly ridiculous. My algebra teacher used to remind me daily that sometimes the uncomfortable and difficult experiences (phenomena) of school were normal and necessary for long term gains. I didn't believe him then. I do now.
But sometimes as adults, our religious and spiritual ideas and systems work just that way. We view pain, disease, suffering, fragmentation and dark emotional experiences like worry, fear and sadness as bad. We view security, wholeness, health and order as good. We call the emotions of peace, joy and happiness good. With those unquestioned assumptions of what the good ought to be, we proceed to find a scapegoat for the unpleasant stuff – usually finding some form of Satan and/or the selfish human Ego to be the problem and obstacle blocking us from the good. That is, we blame a Malevolent Spirit and/or humans for the painful stuff, while the God or Gods are the source of all good stuff. From that assumption, we see the aim of existence as a continuous struggle to extricate ourselves from all dark, chaotic, bad situations and 'negative' feelings. Many resort to deciding that there must have been a good world in the beginning that went sour, and that there is a good world coming in the end which will put an end to all suffering. In the meantime, sandwiched between the beginning and end, we try to do all that we can to escape, avoid and villainize the darkness.
EN-HUMANMENT
The only problem is that this view never works!
Occasionally we have periods where all goes well as we have periods where all goes smoothly and we are 'in the light of God'. But inevitably we run into a period where life fall apart and we are assailed by anger, fear, resentment, worry and grief. This is true of all human beings, even those who teach that you do not have to suffer. I suppose they could be right, but I have never yet that avoided suffering altogether. Every mystic I have known reacts to pain to some degree - when they stub their toe, or feel outrage at an act of injustice, or become violent against those they accuse of using violence. Why? Because we are made to have those feelings. Lions tackle, strangle, eviscerate and devour Gazelles. Cats eat mice and meteors slam into planets. The sun will one day burn out and all life on this planet will disappear forever. Einstein's biggest disappointment was that the Universe wasn't absolutely stable and predictible. The Cosmos is filled with disintegration as well as integration, darkness as well as light. So if we begin with the phenomena of existence, life includes not just enlightenment, but also experiences of darkness and disintegration
EN-HUMANMENT
It seems to me that we are here to become aware through light and darkness, both. I think we are here to conceive of and develop mature souls. I call it 'En-Humanment'. That is a new word as far as I know. By en-Humanment, I mean that we arrive on this planet with a body, soul and spirit. Those elements are not mingled or formed when we arrive. The aim of life is to experience all that goes on in this earthly classroom in order to combine body, soul and spirit into something we might call a Human. I capitalize the word intentionally, implying that we begin as humans, and become Human as body, soul and spirit move through daily life and congeal into some essence which we cannot see with the ordinary physical human eye. The earth is truly Mother Earth in that She is a womb for embryonic souls being coceived via all events in this life, the good, the bad and the ugly. Through a kind of Spiritual Isometrics, we meet resistance in many forms and increase strength. That is the way the physical body develops, and I think it is the way the soul body evolves.
INVISIBLE SOULS AND BECOMING HUMAN
This invisible state of the forming soul is illustrated beautifully by Charles Dickens in his 1843 classic, A Christmas Carol. Miserly old Ebeneezer Scrooge is visited by the ghost of his deceased business partner, Bob Marley, who had died seven years earlier. Marely, like Scrooge, had been an avaricious and self centered human being. Scrooge notices that the pale specter of Marley is wrapped in locks and chains. The following conversation ensues:
``You are fettered,'' said Scrooge, trembling. ``Tell me why?''
``I wear the chain I forged in life,'' replied the Ghost. ``I made it link by link, and yard by yard; I girded it on of my own free will, and of my own free will I wore it. Is its pattern strange to you?''
Scrooge trembled more and more.
``Or would you know,'' pursued the Ghost, ``the weight and length of the strong coil you bear yourself? It was full as heavy and as long as this, seven Christmas Eves ago. You have labored on it, since. It is a ponderous chain!''
Scrooge glanced about him on the floor, in the expectation of finding himself surrounded by some fifty or sixty fathoms of iron cable: but he could see nothing.
Though not visible to the human eye, the state of soul which accompanies us beyond this physical incarnation is being formed moment by moment through our attitudes and choices. We are either becoming more, or less, en-Humaned. A similar kind of idea is explored by C.S. Lewis in his wonderful work of fantasy, The Great Divorce, about a group of tourists from Hell taking a bus trip to Heaven.
THE THREE PARTS OF EN-HUMANIZING
Every religion recognizes humans as being curiously constructed of various ingredients not quite stirred together and cooked yet. These include the physical body which I see as a kind of playing field where the game of making a Human takes place.The human spirit is the rational part, or mind that strives for unity, wholism, health and continual joy. Finally, soul is the illogical, insane, fragmented, dark part of us that leads us into thoughts of fear, anxiety and pathology.
SPIRITUAL GYMNASIUMS OVER HOSPITALS
Spirit is compelled to light, joy, peace, compassion and dreams of world peace. Soul is compelled to darkness, turmoil, terror and nightmares. Spirit pulls us straight into the heavens, soul plunges us into the meandering dark depths. We all know both realms of experience. But modern psychology minimizes the necessary work of soul by telling us that we are disordered as bi-polar, manic-depressive, schizophrenic, having multiple personalities and a host of other disparaging terms that often cause more harm than help. We don't need so much to 'cure' these dualities as see their psychic function in making us into Humans. We need to shift our primary focus away from curing unnecessary conflicts, to caring for necessary spiritual isometrics that make us into Humans. Our spiritual churches and psychiatric centers need to resemble gymnasiums rather than hospitals where we treat sick people. Clearly there is room for both metaphors, for sometimes we break spiritual bones and need cures, but the emphasis ought to be on training rather than illness.
We all have bodies that wake up some mornings feeling great! and other mornings feeling like crap. Each of us has an insane person living in us, our own personal Mr Hyde to accompany our socially acceptable Dr Jekyl. Robert Louis Stevenson understood human nature; the book became a classic because we are all, to some extent, both characters. You will find some form of this interactive dichotomy in all classic stories, ancient and modern (Bilbo's shire-self and ring-self in the Hobbit; Darth Vader and others struggling with the two sides of the Force, etc.).
Some will deny this saying, "Oh no, not me, I am a nice person, love my family, work hard each day, pray and love my neighbor; no, not me." I once knew a woman like this, and she was a nice woman. But after she died, her family cleaned out the back of her closet and found several dozen novels about serial rapists and killers. She had read them all, and hid them in her closet. Not even her husband knew she had them. Does this imply that she secretly liked rape and murder? Heavens no! But it does imply that her soul, like all souls, had a dark side that had to be fed and recognized. But like many, she closeted her dark soul, kept it hidden down in the sub-consciousness of her being. I think she resisted the en-Humanizing process.
Not until we recognize and face these soulful phenomena can we become truly Human. One of the reasons the 12 Step movement is so powerful is that addicts who are on the verge of death are literally forced to engage their dark shadows if they want to go on living. Those who seriously practice the 12 steps evolve into a Humanity they would have never imagined. However, people who are more 'normal' are more likely to hide their dark selves in some version of a closet. That is why Jesus hung out with the drunks and whores, and chastised the religious moralists. The sinner's darkness was exposed and out in the open. They had a chance to become Human if they could engage in the process of transmuting darkness into Humanness. This is illustrated beautifully in a story from the Gospel of John where a prominent Jewish clergyman named Nicodemus seeks Jesus out in secret, in the dark of night so he won’t be caught by his morally pure Rabbinic associates. In a very famous passage, usually misquoted as referring to immoral sinners, Jesus says to the socially virtuous Nicodemus, "Men love darkness rather than light because their works are evil." Jesus shocked this socially good man, telling him that his closeting of dark and evil fantasies, feelings and imaginings was not virtuous, but tantamount to a love affair with darkness. That is why confession is so powerful. When our 'dirty little secrets' spill out, we join the human race and become more Human, and humane.
So it seems to me that the goal of life is to become a Human, a complete and mature Being, through endarkenment as well as enlightenment. All the phenomena of life, from egoistic hubris to philanthropic giving are soul-making incidents. Our moments of failure and fragmentation are as normal and necessary as our moments of success and integration. Our pathologies of darkness are as necessary as our path into the light. We are here to become en-Humaned, to become fully Human. Life and death, war and peace, good and evil and all opposites work toward this end. Just as there are two poles on a car battery, negative and positive charges in an atom and two prongs on an electrical cord, so we cannot achieve en-Humanment without these opposites, spirit and soul working through the body.
"Don't you know the soul must travel through eighty-four thousand births in order to become a man?" Professor Shankar (Naga Baba), A River Sutra, Gita Mehta, p.281
[1]In Greek mythology, Erebus (pronounced /ɛrəbəs/) or Erebos (Ancient Greek: Ἔρεβος, English translation: "deep blackness/darkness or shadow") was the son of a primordial god, Chaos, and represented the personification of darkness and shadow, which filled in all the corners and crannies of the world. He was the offspring of Chaos alone. He was Nyx's (Night) Lover and fathered her children, Aether and Hemera, according to Hesiod (c. 700 BC). According to Hyginus (c. AD 1), he was the father of Geras.
According to some later legends, Erebus was part of Hades, the underworld. It was where the dead had to pass immediately after dying. After Charon ferried them across the river Acheron, they entered Tartarus, the underworld proper. Erebus was often used as a synonym for Hades, the Greek god of the underworld.
I was recently invited by a friend to consider taking part in a discussion group that "examines, in a scholarly manner, diverse aspects of the world's religions. Caveats include no attempt to argue the superiority, inferiority, correctness, or incorrectness of any religion(s)." While tempted to join in if they allowed me, I had to decline. Here is why:
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I don't think I would be a very good participant in this group. In my estimation, good scholarship requires not only comparison, but critical evaluations with a view to choosing a more correct and superior idea as a course to follow and apply. I always remember what G.K. Chesterton said, "Merely having an open mind is nothing; the object of opening the mind, as of opening the mouth, is to shut it again on something solid." “Art, like morality, consists in drawing the line somewhere.”
One of the most scholarly and idea-changing books I have read recently is The Victory of Reason: How Christianity Led to Freedom, Capitalism, and Western Success by agnostic Rodney Stark, former University of Washington sociologist. He argues brilliantly from the evidence that the title 'Dark Ages' was largely a smear campaign by Voltaire and a few other adamant anti-religionists. They were 'enlightened' and the religionists were 'in the dark.' Stark provides overwhelming evidence that the advent and gradual evolution of the Christian religious methodology and spiritual principles brought on the modern era, including technological advances, democratic freedoms and capitalist economics. Eastern religions in particular so identify with Nature that they could not and cannot harness natural phenomena to serve humankind while simultaneously worshipping the Natural Forces as Divine. They have since adopted Western ideas, but ideologically could not have discovered them. Another internationally recognized sociologist, Peter Berger, said something similar in his classic book, The Sacred Canopy: Elements of a Sociological Theory of Religion, "In Genesis, with man being made in the image of God, you have the seeds of modern democracy." According to a growing number of scholarly sociologists, psychologists and historians, Christianity appears to be superior in certain ways. This is not to say that one religion or culture is superior or more correct in all areas, but that superiority and correctness are not ipso facto bad qualities. Thomas Cahill does something similar in his series of books on various cultures and their superior ideas.
It constantly puzzles me that people who argue superior political or economic ideas and policies are afraid to argue superior religious ideas. What makes religion sacrosanct? The same person who has a bumper sticker that reads, OBAMA/BIDEN 2008, makes fun of the intolerant fundie whose bumper sticker reads JESUS SAVES. Frankly, while one could and should argue with either bumper sticker, each has the right to 'close his mouth' on what he feels to be the most solid idea with regard to matters of politics and/or religion. It seems we have become obsessed with being 'being polite', politically and religiously 'correct' and appropriately 'multi-cultural'. Lewis Carroll saw this 'politeness' trend decades ago when he wrote Alice in Wonderland. After the Dodo set up a race course and the participants ran and ran, the Dodo randomly declared the race over. Someone asked, "Who won?" "At last the Dodo said, ‘everybody has won, and all must have prizes.’ ‘But who is to give the prizes?’ quite a chorus of voices asked."
We seem to live in an age where everybody wins and there is no one to give out prizes. It seems to me that we have made feeling good a virtue over the universals of Truth, Right and Beauty. I see that as the bane of the New Age and much so called 'liberalism,' and God knows that conservatives exude their fair share of poison. The reason I moved out of the evangelical camp was because people strongly critiqued and challenged my religious ideas; I fought them ferociously, and gradually saw they were Right. I do realize this is a complicated subject and has many other angles that I haven't addressed, but the bottom line is that I think we need to cease being afraid to critique as we compare - and ideally with a spirit of respect. If I were in that group, based on their criteria, I would be a trouble maker. Nuf from me...
The other day, a very good friend asked me via email to honestly tell her 'how it was going.' She was referring to the recent death and loss of my son in Afghanistan. I asked her if she really wanted an honest reply - she said she did. I replied - she suggested that I post it. Here it is:
----------------------------- "Smile!" a stranger recently exhorted me on the street. "It can't be that bad." To which my only response was: "How do you know?" by Louis Bayard, The Washington Post
I just packed up the makeshift memorial that had formed at the bottom of the stairs for Jason. It was like his voice and some inner voice said it was time to stop walking by this altar - 'let it go dad,' it kept saying. It was hard to do, but was clearly right. I packed away letters, pictures, medals, articles of clothing, etc. and wept anew with each item and memory. Sometimes now it feels like I am sleepwalking through the aftermath of a disaster, a little numb, worn to near apathy with grief, unsure how to proceed, punctuated with moments of appreciation and clarity. Something inside feels worn thin, victimized, raped by God and left without a reason. This poem came the other morning:
SOMETHING NEW
I prayed, and nothing happened – Jesus did not appear, no ‘peace that passeth understanding,’ not even a numinous chill…
I watched a teacher on TV, from the East telling me all the religions were the same, that the truth would set me free, and on and ona ndon ananda ndon and on until his droll chant ceased - - he wanted money for his book - I felt no truth, no peace, and then he faulted my consciousness.
Then I felt…yes, felt:
My chest was a cavity filled with a thousand swirling wraiths, nondescript, terrifying in their discordant flurry, not asking me to pray, but to enter…
I breached the mood, through my throat, down a windpipe raw with grief – into a claustrophobic corridor, met by a monstrous yelping dog nearly chasing me back to my prayers and the chanting master. I moved past, and there,
Across the dark cavern I saw the source, a single shimmering wraith held an urn aloft with a five fingered song, and two soft eyes brownish-black, somehow familiar…
There were no words, but by his glance, the cavern, or my mind lengthened, and a million fathers stood around me, and a million mothers, wives, children and others too…
And that brown-eyed specter nodded at the horde, saying nothing, making it clear that my hollowness was not from his absence, but from the presence of the empty multitude as lost, as sad, as confused as me. I turned back to the wraith, a wry smile, also very familiar, had replaced the dark eyes, and then slowly faded from my sight, I think I saw a last wave, or maybe a salute.
I returned through the dim voiceless passageway. I felt no sweet resolution, no truth, none of the peace I had hoped for.
But there was a slight comfort, a solace in the necessity of my ignorance, the brilliance of hopelessness in order that love might crack the angry chrysalis, giving birth to something…new.
end/Michael/9/20/2008
I have been reading biographies the past weeks - just finished Lincoln's Melancholy which is a psycho-biography from a point of view that is very much in the Depth Psychological tradition (specifically Archetypal Psychology). This book views melancholyas it was seen before we adopted the medical creedo of 'mental health' - that is, before the statistical psychologists, labeling psychiatrists and light-obsessed self help experts got hold of it in the 1860s and into the modern era. People actually used to see the 'miracle of melancholia' as a necessary, albeit potentially destructive and fatal force of character, which fashioned one for his/her destiny. Remember, this is back when people routinely lost children, wives, husbands, etc from something as 'minor' as a toothache, influenza, child birth or a simple infected wound. This is when Keats died of TB.
Lincoln's story sent me to the Civil War hero Thomas 'Stonewall' Jackson's biography by Byron Farwell. I found this nugget last night from that story; after Jackson's first wife Ellie died in childbirth, losing the baby too, in a state of numb devastation he wrote in his journal,
"Objects to be effected by Ellie's death: to eradicate ambition, to eradicate resentment and to produce humility."
Wow, that really hit home. I have had the same thoughts and feelings. I was refreshed to see a godly man who saw the negative feelings which came from seemingly senseless and horrific tragedies as a means to shaping character. These forces are always chiseling away, often against my own thoughts, desires and will. Divine Violation is what it sometimes feels like...the unsolicited ransacking of a secure fortress by the Holy Spirit, my best defenses demolished and occupied by a foreign invader. I have surrendered for the most part...the fortress of my soul is being rebuilt with serious modifications. It reminds me of what Jesus said, "...the kingdom of heaven has been forcefully advancing, and forceful men lay hold of it." Matthew 11:12
I also just read about George Frideric Handel, the 18th century composer. He found himself a fallen man in his mid 50s. By 1741 he had suffered several failed operas as well as poor health. He was in a state of financial poverty, physical illness and what we would likely call today, 'clinical depression.' Living in a run-down house in a poverty stricken part of London, he waited to be thrown into debtor's prison or to die.
On Aug. 22, 1741, through the fog of depression, as if seized by some divine agency, Handel received a libretto based on the life of Jesus as well a synchronous invitation to compose a work for a charity benefit performance. He felt a surge of creative energy. During a 24-day period, he worked non-stop and completed "Messiah," his greatest work. It was his own personal crucifixion and descent into Hades, his residence in melancholia, that produced his greatest and best known work.
This does not mean to me that such depression, despair and melancholy will necessarily make you rich, famous and 'Oprah-worthy' - but that invisible operations are always going on at the soul level during such times. Many, perhaps most people will not see the tangible fruit of their dark descents, but we may be helped to know that it is not just mental illness with no purpose.
So, how is it going? It depends on the day, or night, or moment in question. But I trust that a cosmos which can turn such chaos into order over and over at the physical level, does the same at the psycho-spiritual level.
