Saturday, March 6, 2010

What To Do When I Think I Am Not Good Enough

Have you ever had the thought, "I am not good enough."? Do you ever feel insecure about your looks, talents, wealth, health and a hundred other things? Do you blame your parents, or education, or God or life circumstances? Do you ever blame your DNA, mental hardwiring or other biological factors? Have you tried to reprogram your thoughts? Have you tried everything, and nothing seems to work? Have you spent your life 'working on yourself"? Consider this possibility:

My experience now is that the work is being done ON us, not BY us. The Living Emotions, all of them, especially the so called negative Emotions, have personality and intention. These Emotions are making us into something we are not yet. Emotions are not just chemicals and neural synapses, but rather Emotions use our neurons and DNA as a means to make us. We humans want to try to understand and control the neurons and DNA, but they are just the neutral channels of the Gods much as a TV monitor is a channel of signals broadcast from Hollywood or New York, and sent through the air waves.

We are not our feelings, but we are The Emotions. Feelings are our current experience of soul. Emotions are universal archetypes working in and on all human beings. Don't confuse the two. Feelings change with my life and level of consciousness, Emotions are eternal teachers that grab us by the ear and drag us into the classroom of life. Grief is an Eternal Emotion or universal experience, however, each human 'feels' grief in his or her own way, depending on ones age, personality, peer environment, level of consciousness, cultural view of the Emotion, etc. These feelings will change as we grow up and become individual souls rather than just one of the herd of humans. This is the wonder of Emotions.

My "insecurity" or "low self esteem" is a tool of the gods, and not PRIMARILY the result of bad parenting or some other bad break life handed me. Our 'dysfunctional' parents or peers are very functional; they gave us the gifts of what we call abuse and low self esteem in order that we might work through those difficult algebraic equations in this life. They are my assignments, my soul-making challenges, as hard as they may be. "Blessed are those who are broken and mourn, who are persecuted (abused)," Jesus said.

That is why Jesus told us to love our 'enemies,' because they gave us our biggest mathematical problems to solve in life. Life is not so much about living with high self esteem as it is moving through my experiences of low self esteem. Without resistance, muscles atrophy, shrivel up and we become immobile. Our worst problems are the raw materials of our soul's energy.

Now that doesn't excuse the abuser or offender. They are culpable. As Jesus said, "In this world you SHALL receive offenses, but woe to those through whom they come." In other words, these abusers are responsible for their (our) abuses, AND paradoxically the abuses we receive are the gifts of soul-making.

Personally, I think the reason I keep thinking I am 'not good enough' is simply because I'm not! I am not as good looking as some, or as tall, healthy, talented, smart, etc. -- so when the thought is sent by the gods, "You are not good enough," I say, "Thank you for reminding me." Then I can go on and just be the self my world, including my parents, has made me to date.Why fight it? None of is good enough. When called good, Jesus said only the Father in heaven was good. That is not so much a profound theological statement as it is a reality check. The truth is that at times I am simply a loser. I heard a race car driver say, "When I come in second, I am really just the first loser." Brilliant! He said it with a smile on his face! Losing, low self esteem, thoughts of not good enough and all of the stuff we are trying to eradicate are gifts in a soul-making universe. The fact is, no one is good enough, or we would be done with this educational process called life. So relax, enjoy your inadequacies and low self esteem.

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