Recently, I have discovered that I am an unhealthy 'Waiter.' I am often unconsciously waiting for the sun - waiting for things to line up, or postponing enjoyment until the good outweighs or eradicates the bad. I am reminded of Woody Allen's role as Alvy Singer, the neurotic romantic in the movie Annie Hall. There is an interaction between Alvy (Woody Allen) and his ex-girlfriend Annie Hall (Diane Keaton) at an outdoor restaurant. Annie suggests they go somewhere and have some fun. Alvy morosely declines:
I think I have spent too much time suffering from A.S.S., the Alvy Singer Syndrome. Like Woody Allen's character, I have too often seen the world through the lens of ubiquitous suffering, omnipresent annoyances and the moments of darkness, "If one guy is starving someplace, that puts a crimp in my evening." The problem is that there is always some guy starving someplace!
And lest someone gloats over their superior optimism, consider our chronic obsession with waiting to solve Global Warming, to elect the right President, achieve the right body size or health, find the perfect church or job, purchase the latest fashions and construct the 'ideal' relationship. Our days can be ruined by stressing over recycling, bicycling, nuclear weapons, terrorism, and not having that Spring fresh feeling all day long. I am all for taking care of our bodies, solving international problems and caring for the planet, however, sometimes we are unconsciously spending all of our time waiting for the sun and focusing on that one guy starving someplace.
About four months after Jason's death, I was walking along the
I realized that I would never be 'whole' enough. Postponing experiences of Beauty could not wait on the salvation of my soul, the economy, or the earth. I often miss the Beauty right in front of me, or feel guilty for enjoying it. How often are we waiting for the sun?
STOP WAITING - PRACTICE SEEING THE BEAUTY: Viva Viagra!
When December arrived, I was compelled to designate the month as a time to stop waiting and to practice finding the Beauty, or to locate some Benefit in every thing, especially those things that are hard for me to find beautiful. For example, I really dislike television commercials. I do not like people interrupting my program, increasing the volume, screaming at me while jangly music plays over their inane babble, telling me what I lack and what I need while implying that I am stupid, unsuccessful and uncool without their product. I really get irritated! I understand why Elvis Presley once shot his television set.
As we move back toward the sun this December, remember, "When the Beauty is there, enjoy it fully. When it leaves, deal with the darkness. Both are always present, always."